My review of “Star Trek” 12 AKA
“Star Trek Into Darkness”
Let's go ahead and tell you what you
already know. I didn't like it. I would point out my former
suggestion that this group of creative individuals would be MUCH
happier making a Star Wars film, but as director Abrams has already
been announced as the director for the next “Wars” movie there is
little need to make that suggestion again. Before we get into the
meat of my diatribe, let me warn you of massive spoilers in my
review. I mean MASSIVE SPOILERS that will ruin all kinds of
“surprises” that are intended for someone to learn while viewing
the film. If you ready beyond this first paragraph, it's not my
fault as I have mention MASSIVE SPOILERS thrice now, twice in all
caps. For a quick review, my review of Trek 11 has been posted here
as the previous blog entry for your ease of reading. Now, on to the
thrashing...
(Spoiler Space....)
OK, continuing some familiar rants if
you've read Trek 11 review. That monstrosity they call the
Enterprise... I don't think the word “UGH” covers it. The fact
that EVERYBODY beats up on Kirk. If you are the worst fighter in the
galaxy, why get into so many fights?
For a quick review of the plot points.
The Enterprise crew goes to save a planet. They violate the Prime
Directive to save Spock's life. Dr McCoy explains to Spock why Kirk
saved his (Spock's) life and that he would expect the same (some
heavy foreshadowing here, about as subtle an aluminum bat to the
face.) Kirk gets demoted and Admiral Pike takes the Enterprise back
over with Kirk as XO (First Officer). (side note, so Spock gets
demoted also? I guess so but the film is so busy telling us what a
screw up Kirk is, this isn't really even noted as I recall.) There
is a bomb attack on Starfleet London and all the Captains & XOs
from the area are brought to Earth. Most get killed (including Pike)
by what we are told is a former Starfleet operative named John
Harrison, Kirk stops the attack but is too late to save pretty much
anybody's life. Harrison flees to the Klingon home-world, Qo'noS.
Kirk is given command back of Enterprise and he is to go and kill
Harrison with special torpedoes. 72 of them, to be exact, which
should sound familiar to long time Trekkies (if off by about 10). A
cute blond science officer is assigned to the Enterprise (whom if
you've seen any promo material, you already know it's actually Carol
Marcus but uses a false name). Scotty resigns his post (&
seemingly commission) because he doesn't like the fact he can't
examine the torpedoes and mentions how dangerous the warp core is
(more foreshadowing, kids. Again, not done very well IMO). Spock
gets miffed, does some detective work and finds out Carol is Carol
Marcus and daughter of the admiral who gave Kirk back control of the
Enterprise. Something is up with the special torpedoes, so Carol &
Dr McCoy find out what it is. Scotty gets called by Kirk to examine
.. something. Spock & Carol talk Kirk into not killing Harrison
like the admiral wants so they beam down to meet our first ever
Klingon with ridge piercings. Two groups of Klingons are slaughter
by Harrison who uses some sort of mini gun and his super strength and
reflexes (by now, if you are an old time Trekkie and don't know who
it is, go watch something else). When told about the 72 torpedoes,
Harrison surrenders and takes a beating like it's nothing. Harrison
& Kirk talk, eventually revealing Harrison’s identity of
someone Kirk has never heard of named “Khan”. (apparently one of
the greatest mass murders of human history isn't listed in the new
Trek continuities' databases) Admiral Daddy … I mean Admiral
Marcus shows up and the grand plot is finally revealed. Thanks to
Nero (the gift that keeps on giving) incursion into this universe,
Starfleet is actively seeking all kinds of stuff and the stumble
across the Botany Bay. They awake Khan, offer him a job in Section
31 (long story, let's just say it's the Federation's KGB. Very
secret, very silent, does all the dirty work to allow the named
officers of Starfleet to keep their hands clean without never knowing
what really happened. Section 31 was introduced in “Deep Space 9”
and shown in “Enterprise”.) Admiral Daddy shows up in a super
ship that Scotty has sneaked on board to (which is what he found back
in his search) and it utterly outclasses the abomination … I mean
“Enterprise” (OK, no I didn't but to explain what ship I'm
talking about...) Daddy's ship can out shoot, out run and transport
while in warp. Kirk & Khan sneak on board with Scotty's help for
some “Enemy Mine” action. (Really? Kirk teams up with a
terrorist and know mass murderer? Again, doesn't make a lot of sense
but neither of these two movies do...) Spock makes a long distance
call to “Prime Spock” (Leonard Nimoy, the original Spock who
stayed in this wacked up time-line. Nimoy provided pretty much the
only surprise in this mess.) who explains who Khan is. (For those of
you that don't remember, Khan was responsible for Spock's death in
the original time-line Needless to say, Spock Prime isn't overly
found of Khan..) Khan eventually takes over Admiral Daddy's ship and
pounds on Enterprise some more after Admiral Daddy did so before.
Scotty sabotages the super ship and it crashes into the San Francisco
Bay. However, all the pounding of Enterprise has affected the warp
core and it needs to fixed but the compartment if flooded with
radiation. (And launches into a complete “Star Trek 2: The Wrath
of Khan” ripoff/homage with the slight reversal of Kirk going in
and saving the day rather than Spock. Even the same lines are
referenced with mostly slight changes for the new sacrifice. Again,
some might call this homage, I call it lazy writing, you call it what
you will). Kirk saves the day (for the one time in the film) and
dies. Spock goes on a roaring rampage of revenge and beats down Khan
only to be stopped by Uhura's insistence and handy “phaser”.
Turns out Khan’s blood is “super charged” and can bring the
dead back to life. (guess what? This is shown at the beginning of
the film, more of that “great” foreshadowing...) Anyway, Carol
joins the crew, Kirk gets to keep command and Enterprise is given a 5
year mission. Cue magic warp pixie dust trail....
On to some new complaints.
- Given we now have two films from this group, I think we can see some re-occurring themes in their point of view. I have no problem with Spock being the hero as I am a fan of both the character and Leonard Nimoy. However, the writes of this can only do this by turning Kirk into a buffoon. Kirk is like a dog who will hump anything and anyone(s) in their eyes. He's just a lucky frat boy who hasn't a brain in his head to them. It's pretty obvious their agenda in these two films and since Kirk was a boyhood hero, I really don't care for it. There's nothing wrong with Spock, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, Chekhov, McCoy, Rand or Ensign Redshirt saving the day. You just don't have to make the original hero look like an idiot to allow your Mary Sue to save the day.
- I think it's a very bad idea to try and reinterpret episodes and movies into a new continuity the way it's done here. You invite too many comparisons to the original with it if you change things and people yelling how you've changed it and now it's ruined. Best to do your own version of things and not reference the original stuff the way it's done here. Khan is a genetic super man from the 20th century who escaped on a sleeper ship (cryogenic ship, human pop-sickles). Go from there and make it your own.
- The “Enterprise” does not far well at all in two movies. In both movies, it's completely outclassed, outgunned and outrunned (hah, couldn't resist that one). It's suppose to be The Flagship of your fleet and it can't do anything. Might be time to re-figure your flagship paranoid Federation time-line (while at it, consider getting someone to make it less ugly?)
- Spock & Uhura's bickering couple act. Geez... I would like to think people flying into enemy space would be able to not act like complete idiots and endanger the mission. But no, since Spock is the Mary Sue, Uhura comes off like the biggest shrew in the galaxy.
- Why is Khan now a white guy? While Ricardo Montalban was Hispanic and not a Sikh (India Indian), he's closer than BBC's Sherlock Holmes (who does a good job, though). Is this some sort of “white people are always the enemy” propaganda or race apology?
- So when Khan is refrozen at the end, where is he put? Ceti Alpha 5?
- Carol Marcus' lack of reaction from seeing her father's head squashed in front of her. A friend pointed this out and it made me wonder. Next time we see her on the Enterprise, she's cracking a joke. Sure, it could be just a defensive mechanism, but it's a bit jarring.
- Peter Weller's role. Not that he does a bad job or that it's not good to see him. However, he becomes yet another guest star who plays a power mad admiral. Pretty much any guest star playing an admiral is probably going to be power mad and a villain.
- That “cute” little title. Star Trek Into Darkness. Ugh. I'm sure it was just “oohed” and “aahed” at the meetings but damn that's dumb. I mean, there's dumb and there's damn dumb and that is where this title is located. Sure, I guess Star Trek 12 The New Adventures of Khan ruins the buzz about who the villain might be but “Trek into darkness”??? Wow, that's just damn dumb (again)
In the middle of this here rant, let's
list a few things that I like or * Gasp
* they got right??
For
those of you that didn't get it, the flying saucer the crew uses for
Qo'noS arrival was Harry Mudd's. The use of Section 31. Leonard
Nimoy's cameo. The few other references to the Trek Universe such as
Tribbles, Gorn and Qo'noS. (yeah, this is the shortest section on my
review.)
I
echo my previous comment from Trek 11 about wondering why Paramount
wouldn't give this kind of money for a film with the original stars
of this franchise. Imagine what those stories could have been like.
But every story, book or interview I read with the creators of the
original Trek series and movies talk about how little money they had.
I
wonder who Paramount will get to do the next one. I hope since
Abrams will be busy leading the Star Wars franchise, it's someone
totally different. Who actually might understand what Trek is and
how to treat all the characters equally, rather than show obvious
favor with the one they like the most.
One
sort of good thing to come out of this movie is the revelation that
this alternate continuity diverged before Nero's appearance in the
previous movie. How can we tell you ask? Well, since Khan is now a
white English guy, that is our earliest divergence point. Mid 20th
Century since Khan was probably born in the 60s and agreeing with
author Greg Cox, probably partially derived from Nazi genetic
programs. (Just a thought I had, it would be interesting to see the
immortal Mr. Flint/Micah Brack fighting Khan in the 20th
Century alongside Gary 7.) Maybe this is why Spock Prime is still in
the universe, trying to find the divergence point so he can save
Vulcan (along with his mother and other relatives). Feel free to use
that idea guys, proved you give me credit. I have a few other ideas
also about that Shatner appearance...
So
I'm giving this mess a 1 out of 5. Mostly for Nimoy and the effort
put forth by those who were involved but not part of the creative
process. Very disappointing but honestly? About what I expected.
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