Waiting Rooms and the relationships that happen there

So, for those of you that don't know, I recently spent some time at a hospital waiting room. My Mother had emergency surgery last Thursday March 3rd. My Father, Sister and I (Niece in and out at times) spent most of that following Friday and weekend in the Critical Care Waiting Area of the hospital. Just some background, you get 5 visits a day when someone is in the CCU. 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 5.30pm and 7.30 pm. (guess those times kind of burned into my brain, huh?) And then the rest of the time, you spend either waiting or making plans on what to do after the next visit. Waiting. What an ugly word. And such a waste of time. Waiting. You can read, watch tv, listen to music, talk and sleep, among other things. But it seems like always, there is more time to wait. I would also add, talk and text on your phone. Let me tell you something, I have some damn awesome friends. Wonderful messages of support and, well, love I'll not soon forget. The one that really got to me was one that said, "You name it, it is done". Not "what do you need" or "when I can", but just name it. I can't express how much that one message and friend touched my heart. But, back to our subject.

You wait. You see the same people over and over. I started calling them "my fellow survivors". Sometimes you strike up conversations with these people, sometimes it's a respectful distance. There were two groups in particular. One was an older gentleman, I would guess about 60 or so. Nice guy, his wife was in the CCU. I never did find out what for. And there was another group that my Dad got to know. (My Dad has never met a stranger, let me tell you) I don't know any of their names or their backgrounds. But, much like friends who have gone through experiences together, we had a bond. And with that bond, shared compassion. Not once did anyone show rudeness or insensitivity towards one another. Not to say we all song "Kumbaya" every night or held each other during the waiting between visits. But we would see each other in the halls and I would usually nod at them. They would acknowledge, maybe smile back or wave. But like I said, we had that bond. We were all waiting. I remember running into the gentleman I mentioned earlier after my Mother had been released to a room. We talked for a minute and I asked how his wife was doing. He said they hoped to be in a room in the next day or so. Told him I would keep his family in my thoughts and prayers, he thanked me and I got on the elevator. And, not meaning to, I went back to "my life". I don't know if his wife got better or if they are home. I hope so, I hope all the people who's lives crossed in that waiting room are home with loved ones getting better. The realist in me doubts it, but the optimist says to believe. I'm trying to let the optimist win this one.

Now, back to the messages from friends and family I/we received. So many well wishers, some family I didn't recognize but thanked them all the same. One member of my family I hadn't spoken to in a few years reached out. I like to think that was meant to happen. Not the sickness so much but that God used that sickness to help heal old wounds. It makes me feel better and believe that this crazy old universe has some reason to it. I personally got messages from as far away as Nashville, Memphis and Chattanooga. And I truly believe that if I had asked, any of those people that were medically able to make it, would have been there. I'm not a big "lean on someone's shoulder" type. Guess I'm more the classical male role and being stoic. Which leads me to my next "story".
Spent that Friday night at the hospital, which made Saturday a long, dull, boring day. Had talked to someone who had made a big deal about "if I needed them". Went on and on about it. Could have seen a friendly face and the hospital was on their way home. I was going to tell them, "you don't have to meet my family or anything, I'll come out. Just would like a hug and to see a friendly face". So, in a moment of weakness, I called them. Went to VM, but since they were at work that wasn't much of a surprise. Left a message and asked them to call. So I waited. As the time passed, I went out to my car to charge my phone and hopefully meet my "friend". This being me telling this story, you know what happened. Never heard from them. Couldn't believe it. When I talked to them later they told me that they had turned their phone off and thought I would call their house. Really? I'm kind of confused about calling someone and telling them if they need anything to call and then turning the phone off. Seems counter productive to me.... Maybe I'm a jerk, but that was pretty much the final coffin in the nail for this "friendship". Just a suggestion folks, if you call someone to be there for them, don't turn your phone off.

So, I guess I'll wrap this mess up. Before you ask, my Mother is doing well. Healing, but it's going to take time. Like 6 months worth. I didn't realize how major this surgery was until the doctor explained it to me. She's coming right along, seems like every day she does better. Family is pretty much back to what passes for normal to us. Let me tell you something my friends, when you go through things like this, you find things out. Things like "who your friends are", "who the good people in your life are", and I would add you find out what you really believe (faith, religion). I won't preach to you here, it's neither the time, place or subject. But trust me, you think about things like that. And, hopefully, you find answers that comfort you.

My thanks to so many of you that offered support via whatever method of delivery. I/we appreciated every one of them. And let me suggest this to anyone that might need this lesson. If you feel like you might need to reconnect with someone, there is never a better time to offer support. No, they may not accept it, but remember the stress that person might be under. And, in my book, it makes you a better person for trying. Let that strength out, we need more of it in this world.
As always, be good to yourselves.